As I walked to the sprawling gates, with Banana Island carved out on a platform in front; I welcomed myself to Banana Island, where Timaya was booted out for being unable to pay rent, where a flat can go for #600m. Where Mike Adenuga, Iyabo Obasonjo and co take residence. Welcome to Forbes’ Most Expensive Neighbourhood in Nigeria, I told myself.

“Yes, can I help you?” a stern looking security man asked rather arrogantly. He let me in after I told him I was heading to. Airtel office to see someone. I walked to the shuttle and waltzed away when I was told drop is #200, I later learnt it wasn’t so far. But time was running out, at 5:15pm, I had already gone the rounds with Multichoice, Zenith, GTB all at Ikoyi. A security detail at Dolphin Estate told me MTVBase had shifted base from Dolphin to Parkview Estate, “that Parkview ehn, na big, big, men dey live there” he explained. I smiled and I walked away.
Now in the much hyped Banana Island, I walked to the shuttle park just after the gate I was told N200 drop. I saw a silvery Range Rover with a fresher than life dude in it. Na wa o! I thought to myself, these rich people shaa! I tuck my earpiece in my ear listening to “Just Gotta Make It” from Trey Songz early life. Song for the moment mehn. I asked directions and earned a lift to the Airtel NG street.

Walking a few feet away from the where I was dropped, I was faced with the imposing structure that housed the administrative HQ of Bhart Airtel Nigeria. I explained my mission to the security who ran a metal check on my bag and let me in. In less than 10mins, I had finished my business in it. Bouncing out, my head told me to hang my bag brief-case style. At the gate, I met a dark young lady of about 5’7ft tall; she wore danshiki with trouser and a flat sole ladies’ sandal, same colour with the top, orange and black. I held the gate for her motioning her to go first. She allowed a curt thank you, flashing an electrifying smile to expose a gap-tooth. You don’t know where these little kindnesses can take you to, do you? I paid less attention to her as she walked in front of me, I only thought about how long journey ‘twill be for me, walking to gate. Then I heard her muttering something: hold up ma ti mu ni bi gbo gbo Island yen, lamenting on how much hold up would have been built up on the Island road. She dangled a bunch of keys in the hand that held a laptop bag, while her other hand bore her black Chanel handbag.

“Hello, sorry, are you heading towards gate?” my mouth could finally mutter after a full minute of debate whether to ask her or not to. She nodded politely and I asked her to drop me off, to my surprise, she agreed! Wow! I did excellently well in concealing my joy and offered to help with her laptop bag, she hesitated, but I insisted, probably too tired to argue, she permitted. “I’m Oluranti” I introduced myself. Showing surprise, we talked/argued about it being a feminine name and how she has one friend, a girl that goes by the name. Then she said hers, “Oyinkansola”. Still talking about my name, we walked to the car park towards the right of the main building, at some minutes past 5 only few cars were left in the lot. Understandably so, it was on a Friday. Not that I was expecting larger than life car, but I was weak in the knees when she walked tiredly to a sleek black Mercedes E-Class! I was stunned! Gaddddemm! I pretended like it’s nothing, we’re in Banana Island, everyone is rich, right? Me too. End of story.

She dropped her bag on the car roof, held her head in her hands and whined endlessly about the dense traffic along that Dolphin Estate Road and how she has to drive all through it. Unsure of what to say, I mumbled something that was supposed to be an encouragement. She smiled politely and nodded. “Can you drive?” I thought I did not hear correctly, I looked away, she repeated her question. “Yes”, I replied, shell shocked! I just met this girl and I’ll be driving her Mercedes E-Class! My roommates must worship my P-setting skills from now on. They would never, ever believe me. She motioned for me to collect the keys, I walked stridently to the driver’s side, took the keys from her, opened the car owner’s-style and slided into the seat. The interior of the car was perfectly neat to the very detail, the leather seats looked new! The scent could make one immune from ebola sef, I thought. Na wa o!

In seconds, I had started and revved the engine; she stood some feet back watching me with a half-smiling face. I wound the glass down slowly and told her to come in. She told me to face the driveway. This girl has trust issues mehn, I told myself. She entered after I had faced the driveway. “So you work here?” she asked. Ghen ghen! How will I tell this girl I’m a 300L student? How? Lord do something! I cleared my throat and told her I’m a 300L UNILAG student. There’s no harm in a little truthing, right? I held a firm grip on the steering and faced ahead. She was surprised tho’, she told me how it was her dream school, but her father wanted her to read ‘his’ course in a private university or abroad. Now she’s stuck working for one of his rich friends. Quickly I summed up her life story to be about those children from rich aristocratic families who reads a course for their parents and ends up in a family friend’s firm, working for the money they don’t need.

We got to the gate, the security men did the routine trunk check and she came down took out a park tag and handed it over. Trust issues! Quickly, I scanned through the back seats, some documents were on it, there was a placement order for a LOUBOUTIN and a Shalini and then a file on Insurance and co sha. I was losing interest until my eyes fell on her date of birth, I saw 1990. Damn she’s so young! She entered the car. I should come down now, but she told me to stay that her route passes where I’ll get vehicles plying Obalende, then Yaba. Driving on, I asked her if she knew 2Chainz. “Why?” I repeated my question. She laughed and nodded in the affirmative. Her brother rants about him and his raps at home plus she sees him on TV, she said. I asked her if she’s ever seen him wear one chain or three. Wondering how that question is relevant, she said no. “Then why do you have trust issues? You did not trust me enough to know if could drive well, now you don’t trust the security man?” By this time she was beside herself with laughter.” “No, no, no not that”, she said. “Then what?” I offered half-laughing too. “Nothing jareh, so that’s why you asked if I knew 2Chainz? Oluranti, you’re very funny”. She laughed harder, I grinned from ear to ear. I can make anyone laugh, that’s my USP (Unique Selling Proposition) I thought.

I drove on very slowly, I was enjoying the convo, at this time atmosphere had become very relaxed, we talked about this and that, and laughed about that and this. She told me about how her father made her read Accounting in Sawford University in the UK against her wish. And how she hates the job of sitting in an office staring a computer doing literally nothing all week. How bored she is at home all weekend, few friends. What a boring life these people live.

By this time, 6:48 or so, we had left Foreshore Estate, Parkview Estate area. We kept talking; I enjoyed her company in the dense traffic. She mentioned something about her ex-boyfriend, who according to her broke her trust. I asked to see a pic of the said guy, she was reluctant and told me, “you too you have trust issues”. “Your anti-trust bug bit me”, I fired back. She laughed hard and long, I grinned from ear to ear to ear. “Ok fine, I’ll show you”. She made a funny face, childlike and girly, then she handed me the phone with a very frosh guy in it, fresh with the freshness of Terrence J in Think Like A Man Too. “No wonder you have trust issues” I told her. She asked why, I said nothing. “Whatevuuurrrr!” she laughed back.

We talked about countless other things, and then at 6:31 or thereabout, we got to the place where she said I’ll get vehicle to Yaba. She motioned for me to pull over at some respectable distance away from the bus park. I got a good spot away from the busy road and killed the engine. We did some rounding off talk, “So do I collect your contact or leave it to fate?” I asked. “Leave it to fate!” She turned her face. My pride was hurt! Shit! I messed this P-setting up, what a shame! My roomies would vex for me, I thought. I came down and walked to the back of the car waiting for her, sorry, rueing my chances. She delayed for a few seconds then came to the back too. She pointed at where I’ll take the bus, she stared up at me (I’m taller than her by far, #JustSaying) and held out her contact card; “you thought you won’t get the contact card, abi? Who has trust issues now?” I laughed hard! Damn! She’s nice and very funny. We had a playful argument about who has trust issues, which I let her win. She made a playful face with her tongue stuck out in mock jest. I gave a sly smile and grinned from ear to ear to ear to ear.

Time to go. She shook me and squeezed some monies into my hand, my eyes popped out in amazement. My 6th sense told me to reject. I tried to say “no, no, no don’t bother” but you know how those syllables can be hard to pronounce, shebi? I opted for a simple, monosyllabic “Thanks!” instead. She smiled warmly and thanked me too for making her evening and driving her down here, then she continued her tirade about going back to that boring house. “Oyin, you’ll be fine” I told her, she nodded unconvincingly. Then we hugged and she started back to her car, “call me when you get to school o!” she entered and drove off. So just the simplest of actions of holding a door and stepping aside for her made a friend for me? I can’t wait to get back to school, my guys in school would have a fit believing me. I would gather them and make them crave for every detail of the story. Then they would take turns shaking me, chanting “BAD GUY!”

As I imagined her car vanishing off in the distance I heard, “Obalende! Obalende!! Ti o ba ni change ma wo le o!”. The conductor rudely interrupted my reverie. I had been day dreaming on the bus.

SEQUEL
N.B: The writer actually went to Banana Island on a visit to Airtel’s office on Friday, August 8, 2014 and on his way out saw a young, dark lady but did not say a word to her. He was too shy.

Akerele Oluranti, 06/09/2014, 2:07am @Super_Akerele paulakerele@gmail.com
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