The title should actually have been “Men From Tee-One-One-Oh”. For we really are men, lest you think you’ve been tricked into reading one of those clips from Enid Blyton’s Children Series or Aunty Kemi from Sunday Punch. This is a story of 4 men whose paths have been made to cross by reason of education, to possibly remain so, Insha Allah.

T110 is a room number in Shodeinde Hall, UNILAG; the most populous hall in the school. The 4 of us having lived together during the 2013/2014 session in T001 found ourselves together again in T110 as room mates for the 2014/2015 session. Possibly the most twisted story hostel allocation in UNILAG would record.
We were a bit emotional packing out, no doubt, but we still pick a Saturday, hangout and laugh so hard like we heard Obama fart. Our room T110, a square room, painted bright yellow, with lockers against each corner of the room. There are 2 bunks to the walls on the left and right, 4 bedspaces in all. A big white expensive designer bulb hangs over head, serving dual purposes of making sure the room is everly brightly lit and pretending to be a chandelier. A brown ORL fan blazes overhead, we had 2 standing fans too, one even used battery. The room contained just the 4 of us; Olamide, Shina, Peter and I; in order of skin complexion. No squatter. Feel free to read that again, no squatter. I like all of them equally, regardless of skin colour, I have no favourite.
In no particular order;

PETER ADEWOYE;
@adewoyepierre, 2A9E2AD2.


Carrying a nick like a power bike, Peter Magny remains the friendliest and nicest of the lot. I’d like to quickly add that his humour content is a sterling 100%.

Dark, unassuming with quick bird-like eyes, Peter cuts the picture of a good room mate on his day. NIIT certified; He’s the CEO of Magnolia Designs; a graphics design and IT outfit, a brand he manages from school. He’s blessed (or unblessed?) with a quick, short temper and a ‘no-time’ demeanour, he’s quick to say ‘mio raye les merengues’, indicating he has zero time for frivolities. His temper easily flares at the slightest provocation, but he is good at controlling his anger. He might just “flare-up” in one minute, blast his mind out to the uttermost without caring whose ox is gored and the next minute he is roaring with laughter again. Blasting is what we substitute for scolding. It is a firing squad technique. The erring room mate is faced with every other room mate, saying the harshest words possible. Describing the act in the worst possible terms, the person is given no space for escape, as repentance and contriteness are the only possible option.

More often than not, in a tail-between-legs manner the person mostly sleeps off in complete regret. Sometimes, blasting can be fun, as everybody starts out to blast, but at some point play sets in, Ola! We end up laughing till we are out of breath. Peter stems his anger himself, or we are working on it for him. He is really a nice room mate, the kind that can go hungry for you to survive the night on his last card. Mind you, we all have our favourite food statutorily as bread and beans, but Peter’s love for the food is legendary. Go to 2001 at about 1 or 2pm, you’ll prolly see him sweating over a challenge he paid for at Mama Joe’s.

Unargably the most religious of the lot, Peter would almost never leave the room without reading the Bible and praying. He’s also the cleanest too, arguably tho’. He’s just very concerned about his utensils for food. He’s the type of room mate to tell you to wash your hand before you “please, pass that spoon.” If you know him quite closely, you’d have heard him tell you…”what’s that? That’s dirty!”. He likes songs too, mostly Christian songs, he even has one single like that where Ife Ogundeko handled the guitar. Very interesting piece! If you’ve not heard it, please, how do you live?

He has a smirk for fastitude, he has quick fingers ad very sharp reflexes. He’ll “pass that book” for you before you even finish your statement. Despite his penchant for cleanliness, it still beats me how his locker continues to remain disheveled every other day. Possibly because cleanliness and being tidy and organized are spelled differently ad mean differently too.

On women and girls, hmm! Peter is nearly never serious about liking this or that girl. Today it is Auwa, one rich Hausa girl in his class, who is o doubt very pretty. The next day, Jumoke or some other girl. He’s almost joking about each, save one, SPARKPLUG! It’s a code name I gave a girl he likes in my class. He would sometimes forget himself and dote over her pictures on his laptop, I would smile wryly and look away. Love tho’, crazy something! We drew up a masterplan on how to help him date Sparkplug, but dropped it when we knew Jesus would not like it. He actually pushed his own chances with her, but…they are still friends.
He’s a very sensitive and emotional guy, maybe because he’s nice. A good dresser and nice cook, (he cooks for the room the most) you can miss your job interview for his rice and beans, explain to the organization stating why you missed the interview, and you’ll still nail the job. He likes dancing as much as he likes SPARKPLUG. To him girls are important, but Mama Joe’s beans and bread is importanter.

OLAMIDE OGUNOJEMITE;
@RockPhotoz, 7E1DD828.

CEO of Rock Photos; a fast rising photography brand, Olamide is too playful! LOL! If you see us as animals, you know who the play puppy is already.

Stallion dark, 6 feet and a sturdy body, he seems the most physical of the lot. He’s obsessed with exercises, basketball, games and yes, women! SMH! He’s the one that would receive calls facing the wall and the last thing you’ll hear is: “you just got inside your hostel? I’ll be outside your hostel in 10mins.” He’s out! Only to waltz in at 11:59pm or 12:02am.

Very adventourous, laissez-faral and lackadaisical, he strikes you as an energetic young man. He is first runner-up of the Mr Shodeinde 2014 competition, losing to the winner by a sitter. As playful as he seems to be, he really can get down to some serious work when fed with bread and sardine. On the other hand, it can come off worse, he might just sleep off. Yes, he sleeps like a statue. The position he slept off in, is what you’ll wake him up in.

Symptoms of his lackadaisical attitude is his disheveled corner. There are more of his clothes all over the room than inside his locker. When you see a cloth wrapped like a special suya, you know Olamide just got in from class. He’s a foodian, infected with “ojukokoro” and seems to be the Ebenezer Scrooge in the room – the stingy old man in tales from old England. Some day, we hope he gets visited by the 3 Ghosts of Christmas before he learns his lessons. He has no fav. musician that I know of, but he likes loud Rock songs, playing at really high tempos.

Olamide isn’t the overtly funny one, he just plays and plays. He can download a song right now and spend the next 1 hr dancing like a nanny goat. He kuku can dance well. Hilarious moments with him are when he’s being corrected by Shina and/or Peter. They pelt him with whatever is close by. There’s so much noise, I act as the Uncle they report him to, and I pacify them all. We lie on our backs and laugh hard with tears streaming down our faces onto our tersed bodies. There’s so much laughter to last each of us two decades.

Women and girls!!! In this part of his life, he seems to be the most active here. Although, he’s been involved with quite a lot lately, one major one has remained prominent for like forever. Maria. Pint-sized, chocolate-coloured, with a personality of “who-send-you?-why-when-and-how?” She’s 24.5 Oyin in size (N.B: Oyin is the SI Unit of measuring short girls, i.e That girl is 2.75Oy). If you know Oyinlola Ojugbele and you see them together, you’ll think Aki and Pawpaw now have a female version.

I think he likes girls and enjoy having them around. I’d rather not mention names for not ruining a brother’s P. Shina always tell him; “Oti like iranu ju, onishina oshi!” pelting him whenever he comes in at past 12. He was once involved in a class kissing brouhaha with Yetunde, where they made out in front of the class. Here, it is important I explain shina/fornication. In T110, if you step out at anything past 7, it is considered you’ve gone for shina. Regardless of what it is that you’ve gone to do, even if it is going to give a classmate handout or anything whatsoever. You’re considered the Oni-shina (fornicator) of the night.
He’s not so much of a good cook, but you can miss your NYSC Orientation Camp for his jollof rice and your parents will give you a medal. A very enterprising young creature, he spends a fortune on his brand, he is the brain behind our beautiful pictures, armed with his Canon EDS600D and speed light, he is limitless. As much as he likes girls, he loves photography more. To Ola, girls are important, but photography is importanter.

ADESHINA OWONIFARI
@frshinarito, 7E15D62B.


If I forget to add that Olamide is black, that because I don’t know who is blackly darker between him and Shina. They nearly never stop bickering over who is closer to the devil by skin complexion. I nicknamed Shina “eclipse” and Ola “shadow”. A shadow and a full eclipse which is darker? Judge ye!

Adeshina strikes you as a young, not-so-daring creature. a dark skin with an opacity of 100, sunken eyes, rotund head and a flat nose, physically describes Shina. Very ambitious and industrious, but he sleeps a lot. Does that sound like what a school teacher will write in a report sheet? His fav. Musician seems to be Magic! One band from wherever, he infected us with two classics from them, ‘No Way No’ and ‘How Do You Want To Be Remembered?’.

An avid drunkard of Nutri-C, he infected us lot to become Nutri-C drunkards. Easy going and doesn’t like too much struggle for anything whatsoever, he strikes you as an organized young man with his acts together – when he’s not tired. He’s quite religious as you would often see him slouched over his Bible and daily devotional on mornings that suit his convenience. He has a penchant for keeping fit too, just like every other room mate, save one. A staff of Crenet; an IT/Design Company in Surulere, combining work and school (like every other room mate) has not been easy as he skipped many classes while in the office. He was saved by the whiskers when Dr. Ogwezzy decided to use attendance to allow people attend her royal ballet.

Blessed with a long temper and a long-suffering attitude, he shares the role of jointly being the most point blank frank with Olamide. He’s the type that will tell you he’s not borrowing you his stuff point blank, without batting an eyelid. Peter and Olamide always get to see this side of him. He’s a good dresser too and irons more than anyone else in the room, save one. He spends too much time ironing, much to the chagrin of Peter, who has an attitude of fastitude. He’s not a good cook, as you would spot a cooking error from looking at the covered pot. But he really takes special attention on spaghetti, nevertheless. You can drop your school fees for him to make you a plate; your parents will hug you dearly and sob. Not because you diverted your school fees, but because you didn’t share such delicacy with them.
He’s done so many silly things, as I write this; I remember a story of how he made out with Bukola. A story he fondly tells with glee. You honestly don’t want details, do you? In class, his favourite class mate is Chidi, one dark girl with a voice like a spoilt whistle.

By that I’ve been drawn into writing about his women. Not so many girls hang around him, that is majorly down to him. He sees having a girlfriend as strenuous. “So I’ll keep calling and texting and buying gifts and all that? And having to say I’m sorry for this and that? And I have to keep saying; “I LOVE YOU?” Naaaahhhh mehn! That’s like giving a part of myself away!”

Who smells pride?

Notwithstanding, Shina likes girls. Durrrrhh! Who doesn’t? He thinks the cutest girl in class is that short, fair one. The SI Unit herself. As much as he like girls, he just cannot be bothered over a stubborn one. You’ll often hear him sing: “aiye o le to yen o!”, life’s not that hard to keep pursuing women. At the moment, information just filtered in that he is finally getting serious with one short girl in FSS, after being given the cold shoulder by one Year II girl (now Year III girl). “Owo ozone ti j’ona ni yen”. The money he spent on an Ozone date with her haff go! He’ll possibly have my head on a platter of steel for revealing this.

As much as he likes girls, he likes sleep much more. As a girl, if Shina hangs out with you one evening rather than laying on his back fast asleep with his white earpiece tucked in, then you must be helluva important than nuclear codes are to Jack Bauer in 24. To him, girls are important, but sleep is importanter.

OLURANTI AKERELE;
@Super_Akerele, 26E1792B.

It is pretty difficult writing about yourself, when you can’t possibly see yourself in another perspective beside yours. But I have to, with sincerity and without bias nor prejudice. I’ll be referring to him with the 2nd person singular. I’ve started already.

He’s tall, lanky and affable. He’s self-styled SuperAkerele; the man who built the hospital he was born in, the man who yells at you “Jump!” and you would be asking for permission to come down. Towering approximately 6.3” in height (easily the tallest in the class, leave out Wale, the behemoth) and blessed with a rich, baritone voice, Oluranti in class, cuts the picture of a stern looking task master with cane in hand, ready to pelt you for nearly making a mistake.

His work. He, like other room mates, combines school with work, for he is a Creative Director at Creative League, another Design/Website Management Company based in Fola Agoro, Lagos. He also writes a couple of stuffs here and there, now and again. His last work was My Banana Island Girl, a compelling story he wrote about a girl he met on the Island. The story received massive reception, here and yonder. If you’ve not read it, please, how do you breathe?

In the room, he is the rift settler, more often than not; he leads the “blasting” of an erring room mate.
As calm as he is, he can be a little haughty and arrogant and will nearly never say sorry for anything. Shina calls him Santi, nicknamed after the Spanish midfield maestro, Santi Carzola. He will rather talk his way out of an offence in a manner ever so diplomatic that at the end, you may be the wrong guy or confused, or both. You might even tell him sorry before you know it. He’s very coy and dodgy, you could almost never catch him on the wrong side of an argument, regardless. He’s humour content is 100%, he spits witty and hilarious lines before you can say jack, like he has a list if witty saying to every statement of question before they are asked. He is the most particular about starching and ironing. Ope Alabi, the boy with a somnolent face like an art work, once said he starches his boxers and singlets. Ope tho’

A very calm and organized person; his stuffs are everly in the right places, like Shina and nearly never misplaces anything in the room. An avid reader and a complete bibliophile, the middle layer of his locker is full of books and there’s an extension outside, laden with books. Ask him for his Year 1 notes, he will pull out a bag and hand you. His favourite musician is Asa and legendary Ebenezer Obey, he infected the rest of us with the juju king.

Quite a religious person, he nearly never misses church. He’s not particularly a generous room mate, but he’s far from stingy. Yes! He hates visitors! He is a ‘let-everybody-sit-in-their-own-house’ room mate, and he would stare down your visitors from hair to sole with distrust burning in his inquiring eyes. However, when friends of friends come around, he’s such a sweet room mate, there’s always enough laughter to last you a century, TBH! You’ll laugh till tears stream down your face, ask Adeyemo, Pastor Ekerin, Chris et al. He cooks quite well, you can forget your matric number for his beans. As much as he jokes and all, you can’t cope when he is in his serious mood. He has zero chill for mistakes and is nearly a perfectionist, having a knack for things being put in their right places.

On his women, he’s quite active too, nearly as Olamide, except that he is discreet about it, or diplomatic when asked about. In class, he’s quite popular with the girls, for he is a smart dude. He often handles tutorials with others for the class. He is quite close to most of them; he nearly has no favourite classmate. But he particularly dotes on one. He says she is one he won’t exchange for all the teas in China. His school daughter is Chiazor, an unassuming girl in his sequence. And then there’s the ‘fun-sized’ Oyinlola again! Yimu!
Like Shina, cannot be bothered over a girl too. He doesn’t fly out every night, you’ll often hear him say; “so I should keep texting and calling and running after you ‘cos you look good? Shit! I look good too!” Then he and Shina shake each other in comradeship.

Proud, arrogant, egoistic people! Shior! Tueh!

He reads a lot; he’d rather spend the evening with a book than chasing a girl. To him girls are important, but books are importanter. Very importanter-est!

-Akerele Oluranti
@Super_Akerele
26E1792B
paulakerele@gmail.com.