DDD! On first mentioning, DDD sounds like a concept from a course (Comm. for Development) we took in what looked like the busiest semester ever. All semester long we sat our asses pale listening to how communication can be effectively used for development. Documentation Driven Development (DDD), the Eight United Nations’ Millennium Development Goals (MDGs), Exclusive Breast Feeding and whatnot! Phew!

In the 3^rd week of June, DDD got a new meaning to a few of us; we recreated it to mean something else. Much more fun than your mind can possibly conceive. In that one week, 2 of my realest niggers and 1 niggeress, had their birthdays. On the 16^th, 18^th and 19^th of July were the birthdays of Adewoye Peter, Kimora Lee (styled by me) and Owonifari Adeshina, in that order. For some reasons the events were fused into the last two days. These two days form the major thrust of the story.

Thursday, 18^th June

Lee’s birthday! Lee was probably thinking she’d have a low-keyed celebration after what seemed like the high-keyed one was placed on probability. The high-keyed celebration was supposed to be a Chinese dinner at a good diner on the Island, with BFT gang, ( see BFT110) few friends, her hubby and Barbara. Barbara and I had argued on phone over the patent right to Lee many times and I sort of looked forward to meeting her. But then, I reckon too much formality with dinners and corporate ish and cutleries and formalized karaoke might put a dent on the fun. The last time I dripped that much savoire faire, I didn’t have so much fun. So we opted for a house thing, food, drinks, loud music, cakes and Lee, in all her scintillating glow.

BFT was supposed to storm Royal Sanderton Estate, where Lee lives, by 1pm, but some glitches here and there forced us to step out at 1:40pm, all looking dapper. I dorned a black and white chequered shirt with 2 gold collar-pins on a gold and black suede Bertini sandals. Peter was decked in a white and brown striped T-shirt, rocking a deep blue jean and monochrome all-stars shoe. Ola wore a chequered long-sleeved shirt, brown trousers and a white Nike shoe. Joel, our latest addition, dorned a simple V-necked shirt, black jean trouser and a Nike high-top shoe. Only Adeshina was MIA, (Missing in Action) his birthday was the next.

Ola to the wheels. The blue Honda Accord baby boy sneezed to life with a twist of the ignition. And DANG! BFT is storming Ikeja in a bullion van. Now, as much as Ola’s driving can send shivers down your spine, you’d really enjoy his cruise control. With loud music, bated breath, hair-raising driving and whatnot, we wheeled into the Estate, after a brief stop over at ICM. The security had their routine of calling the house to ensure we were not Jack Bauer, Will Smith, Tom Cruise and Jason Statham visiting a target. Ola killed the engine in front of Lee’s house at about 3:40pm. We relaxed a bit in front of the house, some brushed hairs other merely preened in front of the car mirror. We kept at this until a shriek voice rang from upstairs, “would you come inside already?!!!”

Lee! My face relaxed into a lazy smile as I blushed uncontrollably at the window upstairs. We entered. What a nest! Quickly, my Mass Comm. instinct took the better of me; I ran a quick scan on the entire downstairs in one sweeping gaze. I saw 3 awards – a Dynamix, Best Automobile LASU, and Most Sought after LASU also. A 32” LG TV with a black and silver gradient tint. As if to remind us of its presence, a black home theatre with tall siblings spread about the cabinet. The dining was just as nice, adjacent to the double flight of stairs leading to the upper chamber. A colossus creamy cake, had “Happy Birthday Kimora” stencilled on it, with bright red cherries for decoration sat chiefly on the table; the carton bore the insignia of C&C. In that sweeping gaze, you needed no further telling that the Lord of the Manor was completely anti-impecunious. I later learned he wasn’t going to be around, as he had travelled and had to be unavoidably absent. Later on, he called in a coupla times to share in the fun, kinda making sure his baby had the much fun she deserved.

Back to the present. As we gawked around, someone who needed no introduction as Lee’s mum welcomed us, I nodded at where all that Lee’s pulchritude came from. The continuous clanging of slipper against the tiled stair floor announced Lee’s arrival. And there she was! Decked in a black, armless short gown, one that leaves a lot to imagination, the glow that lit up the room was matchless. With a coiffure designed to drape down her shoulders, definitely, this was Lee’s finest hour! A Lee like no other! All 4 of us stood to wish her a very hearty birthday. She made shy but sure steps towards us and there came the hugs and backslapping and gifts presenting and larger than life smiles. The feeling that pervaded the living room was indescribably surrealistic. N. B: Special S/O to my pretty hommie, Laraba for the gift idea. You rock, hommie!

Lee worked at getting the home theatre off while we busied ourselves familiarizing, acclimatizing and inuring. In minutes, the home theatre came to life with a very loud intrusion, for a start, a coupla songs went up, but we were a bit unsure who would hit the floor first. Each person studied and eyed the other, motioning him to go first. By this time, we could only makes gestures as there’s no way your voice would be heard over the ‘noise’ from the sound system. Hence, we sat calmly in our seats, at best, making leg movements to the songs, as they followed themselves in quick procession. This calm dancing by leg movements or head nodding (as you like it) continued until… “Eyin Omo Wobe! Wobe!”…then Peter and Olamide sprang up with the agility of Amalinze, the cat. I watched as my own fellas went from 0 to 100 before my very eyes. What a sight!

Moments later, there came the drinks, food, games, cake, karaoke, more karaoke and laughter, these got us going till quarter past 10, there was never a dull mo. More guests arrived, more food and drinks flowed. Peter and I were chiefly responsible for occasionally sending everybody to long spasms of exaggerated laughter, minute by minute. We literally took everybody apart, muscle by muscle with spasms of laughter. Live. Laugh. Love! We played “Concentration” over a bottle of Magic Moments. A game of you miss a question, you take a tot. With the bottle half-way gone, Lee’s mum had to talk us out of it, when Ebuka, Barbara’s brother, probably high, started off on a Lejoka Brown’s grind, from Ola Rotimi’s Our Husband Has Gone Mad Again.

At 10:20pm, the last guest Ben, drove his silver Accord off. One highlight was Brigid’s (Barbara’s sister) rendition of Beyoncé’s Listen and Styl Plus’ Olufunmi Remix, such melting magic in the voice. Lee mentioned that she once contested for Star’s The Winner Is…! For me, the highlight of the day was I and Lee’s leisurely stroll around the estate, savouring the chilly evening breeze, away from all the activity and positive energy in the house.

In all, it was massive fun. Have you ever yelled at the top of your voice, danced till your joints wobbled, eaten till your eyes bulged, caked till your tongue went alkaline, pictured till the camera flashlight dizzied you, or laughed till your lungs jerked in convulsion? All in one day? In one line, “it was amay may!” Amazingly good, we named it twice. We turned Royal Sanderton Estate upside dan for a Lee Like No Other!

Friday, 19^th June

Still on Lee’s day. Through some cray cray, dare devil driving by Ola, we got in at 11:15pm. As soon as we got in, we started off at viewing the pictures over large chunks of creamy cake. As we watched the slideshow, I looked in the faces of Peter, Joel and Olamide, they all seem to share one cute, dreamy smile. As the bonding feeling permeated the room, I caught myself sharing the smile too, same length same width.

12midnight! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADESHINA! He was at home at the time, another dope turn up in the offing. After all the BBM updates and sending the most hilarious birthday video ever, Joel, Peter and Ola turned in at about 2am, I turned in an hour and half later. We were awake before 7am, Shina’s day gats be doper. That’s how we roll!

We were all going home from there; so we packed our effects into the trunk of our bullion van. We stepped out at about 10am, all things bright and beautiful. Peter rocked a patterned button down shirt, denim jean and all-star shoes with a CK gold masthead, black leather wrist watch to match. Olamide rocked a black Calvin Klein V-neck shirt, black jean and a white Adidas sneaker. A Brasas gold masthead, brown leather writsts finished the deal. Joel was all monochrome, a striped Maine polo, pants and suede shoes. I was decked in a turquoise blue V-necked shirt, with monochrome patterns on the shoulder and chest pocket. A black pant dorned my nether region and Gucci casual slippers while a brown Panther watch sat chiefly on my wrist. Dope doesn’t have another meaning.

The flight plan was Shina’s crib at Maryland, then Ikeja City Mall, (ICM) for movies and/or eatout. Olamide made the baby boy cough into life, revved and did a double wheel spin, as we attracted admiring stares from new hall onlookers, mostly girls. M.I’s Bullion Van rented space in our eardrums through a green and black Havit mobile twin speaker. While Olamide flexed at the wheels, we all yelled and shrieked hilariously as Peter and I rendered a very hilarious Fuji mix of the song, Joel was beside himself with laughter.

Honking outside the gate tore into the veil of afternoon silence that pervaded the somnolent area. His elder sister, Ms. Bidemi, who I’d been told finished from UNILAG, was on her way out, after exchanging pleasantries; all 5 of us let ourselves into the leviathan, stately edifice of the Owonifaris. Shina is the second child and only boy, he has two younger siters, Olayinka (who wasn’t around) and Yewande in that order. (See pictures).

We walked into the colourful house and first showed Shina pictures from Lee’s day, yesterday. If he felt slighted that we had fun without him, it was very little. Shina’s dad was around and Shina told us, “if popsy portray for downstairs, una go chop advice”. Barely had we started eating when he actually did step down, choking us with the unmistakeable insignia of fatherhood. “Talo wa motor ninu yin?” came after the greetings. After asking who drove, he loaded us with lectures on how to avoid Police trouble on the road. We thanked him and he climbed the stairs. After eating, Shina bathed up and decked in white and black polo shirt, black jean and a cool white Adidas sneaker. Birthday boy! We prepared to storm ICM; we took pictures and left by some minutes past 3. In less than an hour, we touched ground and literally tore it apart, brick by brick with equal fervour.

First stop was the movie galleria upstairs; up until then we had not decided on a movie or eat out. After checking the schedule, we settled for eat out. We waltzed down the climbers to Shoprite, bought Croissants, Pain pie, drinks and whatnot. On our way out, we met three girls; one even had her birthday on the day. We all took pictures and laughed a lot before proceeding. Reaching KFC, we opted for their large chicken bucket, and headed off to “jaiye foreign”. We ate, played, took more pictures and saw those girls again, then headed back to Shoprite to buy cakes. On our way back, we stopped to take more pictures in the hall way, as Peter got himself into a twisted shape to get a good shot. The sight of 5 happy guys caught the attention of an Arabian man. He walked up to us, grinning from ear to ear, and asked for a picture with us. We cracked him up with laughter on “Sir, One Picture, One Dollar?” After recovering from his laughrenzy, he took a coupla pictures and left, mumbling “Smart looking Nigerians!” as he waved and walked along.

Heading to Shoprite, Shina, Joel and Peter walked forward, while Ola and I checked out prices of stuffs. “We go meet una for there!” Ola told the trio. After checking out prices of different items on display, we got to Shoprite and started to look for them. We looked round the large hall and could not spot them, the hall was a bit crowded. Ola and I eventually gave up when Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” softly pervaded the entire mall from a large overhead speaker. There and then, we broke into a frenzied dance, as if on a spell. We abandoned looking for our crew and danced through the length and breath of the mall. Drawing a pair of eyes from co-shoppers, some looked as us in admiration, some half-smiled, half-frowned, others simply gawked at these two uncaring boys. Yea, right! We were without any care in the world, we danced and our audience grew. Peter or Joel was the first to spot us entertaining the shoppers, they called Shina’s attention. Now we had 6 more pair of eyes join our audience. We danced for the entire duration of the song, on and on till the song slowly faded away, then we all waltzed out amidst admiring stares from our latest fans.

5:40pm. We strolled through, checked prices of more items, started off to the car park, took more pictures, amidst the most bizarre, hilarious jokes ever. Ola made a comment about how nothing beats hanging out with your guys, cited how it wouldn’t have been this much fun, if girls were present. GIRLS???? Mtcheew! Keying deeper into our “spoilt VIJU milk over girls” mantra, we hissed and made snide, infamous, hilarious comments about them as we sped out. LEARN. Live. Laugh!

For me, the highlight was the dancing through the length and breath of Shoprite amidst stares and cracking the Arabian man real bad. At 6:15pm, Joel and I dropped off and we were sorry we had to leave, makes me look forward to my August 1 day.

What a day! Amidst the byes, I wished Shina more HBD wishes and he replied me with “Santi, your shirt is fine!” Ola revved off leaving the words hugging me, I yelled back, “Thank youuuuu!”

These BFT boys of mine, we took apart ICM brick by brick for Peter and Shina. All the while, we thought we were five, we were actually six. The spirit of camaraderie couldn’t have been anywhere else!

Sorry, we took too many pictures, over 300! It was hard selecting these!…LOL!

Kimora Lee’s Day…

Shina’s Day…

Oluranti Akerele,

2:11am, 22

Oluranti Akerele,

2:11am, 22/06/2015.

26E1792B,

@Super_Akerele

paulakerele@gmail.com